Here We Shall Take Hands And Other Silliness
by RainbowPrincess
Summary: Uh oh, RainbowPrincess is at it again! The cast of Lizzie McGuire does their own version of the Classics. (Some romantic, some hilarious, others just plain silly!)
1. Don Giovanni

Standard disclaimer applies.  
  
This is a totally silly and pointless songfic. The song is "Là ci darem la mano", from Mozart's Opera "Don Giovanni" (Don Juan) but since I'm assuming most of you aren't fluent in Italian, I'm doing the English (and slightly modernized) translation of it.  
  
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I am, however, just because it's funny, messing with their names a little. The real characters are:  
  
Don Giovanni: A man that travels Europe looking for "conquests". He promises women the world (to get them in bed) and then leaves them the next day. For our purposes: Don Ethan.  
  
Zerlina: A peasant woman. It is her wedding day and she's about to be married when the song happens. For our purposes: Zerlizzie.  
  
Masetto: The fiancé. He appears in name only. For our purposes: Gordetto.  
  
Donna Elvira: A lady that Don Giovanni seduced. She is still in love with him. For our purposes: Donna Miranda. _____________________________________________________________  
  
********************** Here We Shall Take Hands **********************  
  
Zerlizzie is walking in the park by herself, when suddenly, Don Ethan appears.  
  
Don Ethan: Here we shall take hands, you will say "I will". My house is not too far, let's go!  
  
Zerlizzie: I want you, and yet I don't. My heart is confused. I should be happy, but he might be lying.  
  
Don Ethan: Come! My charming temptress!  
  
Zerlizzie: My heart bleeds for Gordetto...  
  
Don Ethan: I shall change your life.  
  
Zerlizzie: Quick then! I can resist no longer.  
  
Don Ethan: Come, come! We shall take hands!  
  
Zerlizzie: I want to, yet I don't!  
  
Don Ethan: At my house you will say "I will"  
  
Zerlizzie: My heart has questions.  
  
Don Ethan: Come my sweet! Let's Go!  
  
Zerlizzie: He might be lying to me!  
  
Don Ethan: Come my charming temptress!  
  
Zerlizzie: I feel sorry for Gordetto.  
  
Don Ethan: I shall change your life.  
  
Zerlizzie: Quickly, let's go, I cannot resist you any longer.  
  
Don Ethan & Zerlizzie: Come, Come, my love. To remedy the torment of an innocent love!  
  
The two start to leave and are interrupted.  
  
Donna Miranda: Stop, Zerlizzie, he is lying to you. Go back to Gordetto!  
  
Zerlizzie runs off to find Gordetto.  
  
Don Ethan: Why did you stop us?  
  
Donna Miranda: Because I still love you.  
  
Don Ethan: See here! (Taking out a book) You are just a number upon my lists.  
  
Donna Miranda: It was different with us though!  
  
Donna Miranda runs off, leaving Don Ethan standing in the park, alone.  
  
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OK, silly, short and pointless, but if you liked it, I will do more! The translations weren't exact, but they would have made no sense in some cases if they were. And yes, I know there was a part that was repeated.they are supposed to be! 


	2. Figaro

I'm going out of town for a few days, so I'm leaving this to tide you guys over:  
  
________________________________________________________________ Summery: Gordo's hormones are going nuts (what do you expect from a 14 year old boy?) So he decides to share this news with Lizzie and Miranda:  
  
Gordo as Cherubino in Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro (Once again this will be done in English)  
  
Cherubino is a Pageboy who is just starting to discover what love is like. He explains his emotions in 2 Arias. ________________________________________________________________  
  
****Non so più cosa son, cosa faccio****  
  
Sitting one day in Lizzie's room, Gordo decides to burst out into song about how he's feeling:  
  
Gordo: I don't know what I am, what I'm doing,  
  
First I seem to be burning, then freezing,  
  
Every woman makes me change colour,  
  
Every woman I see makes me shake.  
  
Just the words of 'love' and of 'pleasure'  
  
Bring confusion, my breast swells with terror,  
  
Yet I am compelled to speak of love  
  
By a force I cannot explain  
  
I speak of love while waking,  
  
I speak of love while dreaming,  
  
To water, to shadows, to mountains,  
  
To the flowers, the grass and the fountains,  
  
To the echo, to the air, to the winds  
  
Which carry the idle words  
  
Away with them.  
  
And if there is no one to listen,  
  
I speak of love to myself!  
  
Gordo sees the confused looks on Lizzie and Miranda's faces, so he tries again, with a different song:  
  
****Voi che sapete****  
  
Gordo:  
  
Ladies, you know love,  
  
Look into my heart,  
  
See if I'm suffering  
  
From Cupid's dart.  
  
All I experience  
  
I'll tell you true,  
  
I am bewildered,  
  
It's all so new.  
  
I feel affection,  
  
Longing so strange,  
  
Now bringing pleasure,  
  
Now bringing pain.  
  
Freezing one moment,  
  
Than all afire,  
  
Then in a second,  
  
I'm freezing once more.  
  
Something I'm seeking  
  
Outside of me,  
  
I know not who has it  
  
Nor what can it be.  
  
All quite unwittingly  
  
I moan and sigh,  
  
My poor heart races,  
  
I know not why.  
  
I'm never tranquil  
  
By day or night,  
  
And yet this suffering  
  
Brings me delight.  
  
Ladies, you know love,  
  
Look into my heart,  
  
See if I'm suffering  
  
From Cupid's dart.  
  
Lizzie: Gordo, I think you've really lost it this time.  
  
Miranda: Yeah Gordo, go take a cold shower!  
  
Gordo: GIRLS!  
  
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A/N: Again, silly, pointless, but oh so much fun! 


	3. Dido

Next in my series of Lizzie Operas: Dido & Aeneas  
  
This Opera is in English, but it is very Old English, so I'm borrowing my friend Tracy's ghettoized version of it.  
  
Dido is Queen of Carthage, and her Prince Aeneas, of Egypt has just come to tell her that he is leaving her to follow Jove's (Zeus's) orders. She turns to her Maid Belinda, for comfort.  
  
Dido.........Kate Sanders Aeneas........Ethan Craft Belinda........Claire Miller _____________________________________________________________________  
  
Kate is laying on a chaise, talking (singing) to Claire.  
  
Kate: Your advice is worth nothing. I will complain to heaven and earth. Earth and Heaven are conspiring against me.  
  
Claire: No, see...Prince Ethan approaches. He looks very sorry, and I believe he is true to you.  
  
Ethan: I am lost, what shall I do? How will I tell this Royal woman that the gods decree that we must part.  
  
Kate: On the fatal banks of Nile, weeps Ethan, the deceitful crocodile. You are a hypocrite, and you leave be your choice, don't blame the gods.  
  
Ethan: Just say the word, and I'll stay, offend the gods, and obey love.  
  
Kate: No, faithless man, pursue your course, I'm now resolved to die. Nothing you can say, no apology can change my mind. For it's enough, whatever you now decree, that once you thought of leaving me.  
  
Ethan: By all that's good-  
  
Kate: By all that's good, no more. You swore off everything good. Go to your promised empire, and let me die.  
  
Ethan: Let the gods say what they will, I'll stay  
  
Kate: Away, away  
  
Ethan: No, no I'll stay  
  
Kate: Away, away  
  
Ethan: I'll stay  
  
Kate: No, no, away, away (she turns her back and he leaves, defeated) I cannot shun death. Death will come, now that he is gone.  
  
***Kate's Lament***  
  
Kate: Thy hand, Claire, shade me in darkness. Let me rest on your chest. I would do more, but death invades me. Death is now a welcome guest.  
  
When I am laid in Earth, may my wrongs create no trouble. Remember me, but forget my fate.  
  
(It grows dark. Kate dies and cupids surround her grave. She has died of a broken heart).  
  
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A/N: Ok, not as silly as the rest, but still kind of funny in a morbid way. 


End file.
